Travel Jokes

TO be upset over what you don't have..... is to waste what you do have. ~~~ Ken Keyes, Jr Handbook to Higher Conciousness

Friday, August 27, 2004

Fw: ABSOLUTE TRUTH!!!!!

> Subject: Fw: ABSOLUTE TRUTH!!!!!
This is brilliant! =)
This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes...

Andy Rooney says:

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are
just a few reasons why: A woman over 30 will never wake you in the
middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit
around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's
usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she
is,what she is, what she wants and from whom.

Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her
or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you
at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.

Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they
think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what
it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women
friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best
friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.

Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends
because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a
woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not
true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed
hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making
a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.
Andy Rooney

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk
for free". Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage...

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Joke : Best come back line ever

FW: Best come back line ever
 
----- Original Message -----
From: Marie Beng
Sent: Tuesday, August 24, 2004 23:54
Subject: Fw: Best come back line ever

quite funny


A bit of a long winded story but quite funny nonetheless...


This was apparently in the Washington Post ... the title of the Article
was
"Best Come Back Line Ever." In summary, the police
arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.  The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stopYou know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of theroad, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to  his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him."That was an unusual situation, that's for sure, "said Officer Taylor.I walked up to Lawrence and he's...just pumping away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a  pumpkin?"." He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said,"A pumpkin?   F**k me, is it midnight already?"